The Way Back III – Anxiety

I’m back with an update for you all what’s going on with my recovery.

I’m continuing to lower the dose of one of my anti-anxiety medications.

Even though I feel like I have more energy, I have started to experience the flip side of this reduction in dose, namely and increase of anxiety and onset of anxiety attacks.

Previously when I’ve had similar issues, I’d get enough energy to get out and exercise. This is key. However, I haven’t reached that point yet. I should have, but because I have so many medications and other issues, I simply don’t. As I’ve said before, this is by far the worst depression I’ve ever had.

I’m confident this will change though.

I do have extra layers of issues that make things far more difficult to recover, for instance my diabetes. I have high glucose levels right now because I don’t exercise. When I didn’t have a depression, my glucose levels were that of a non-diabetic. Diabetes is a nuisance and usually very easy to control. But when you have a serious depression like I do, it’s very difficult. Once again though, I will get better and once again, I will get it under control.

Anxiety attacks

I’ve had several anxiety attacks this past week, all of them being triggered by having to/thinking of going outside.

For those who have no experience with anxiety, seemingly minor things like these are common triggers for anxiety attacks. These attacks can be extremely frightening, even for me, who have had suicidal thoughts, daily – for two years. Until recently.

In my case, the past week, I got an overwhelming sensation that nothing that I enjoy doing was worth doing. Or is even fun, and it never would be again. It’s like all your life force is sucked out. Sort of like the Dementors in Harry Potter.

It’s a feeling of utter despair and hopelessness. Luckily, these attacks didn’t last long this time. Thanks to…

Video games – a lifesaver

I’ve touched on this subject on my previous blog, www.livetefterbarncancer.se (and specifically in this post, for instance) and on this blog. It’s the subject of video games. They provide so many things no other activity/type of entertainment as accessible as games are can.

It can be very social if you want, it can be immersive. It can be fast paced and action packed, or slow and mostly story driven.

I’ve found two games specifically that I’ve used to temporarily escape reality, namely Anthem and The Division 2. They’re fast paced and immersive, although they’re not without their faults. I can actually feel a change in my way of thinking when I do play these games, especially whilst playing The Division 2. It gets my brain out of the rut, it feels like it awakens parts of my brain that are asleep or just slow and force them to communicate with the other parts of the brain.

Anyway, for now I’m just trying to adapt to the situation and make sure I don’t lose track of true north. It’s a long way back though, further complicated by the sheer number of medications I’m on, as well as other diagnoses I have apart from depression, anxiety, PTSD-ish issues.

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